Becoming Who We Are: Embrace Your Identity and Own Your Story

“True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” –Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

If you’re like me, you’re constantly growing and curious about what’s next. I see this as the process of becoming who we are. I got interested in the idea of identity and how it forms and how we change it when my client Erin Baer wrote her book You Are More Than Your Sport. In it, she shares her experience of focusing her self-worth on being an athlete, and when she was injured, that identity was threatened. It wasn’t only her sport that might change but actually how she understood herself. Her story and others in that book illustrate how key identity is in how we show up in the world. 

I see the writers I coach struggle with stepping into their new identities as authors. Using the title “Author” even after they’ve published makes some people cringe. Why? Because they haven’t claimed it as a new part of their identity yet. Some part of them feels like an imposter. Some people even say, “I’m no Shakespeare” or whoever their favorite writer is. While that’s absolutely true, they are who they are; unique voices in the conversation they’re leading. 

I experienced that too, when I first became an author. So how do you just get over your resistance and fully become who you are, embracing all of what makes up your identity? 

In my experience, every writer has at least a little sense of imposter syndrome about claiming their author title. If you’re feeling like that too, here a few things to try:

Commit to Your Why

The first question to ask yourself is, Why do I feel resistant to saying I’m an author? I will gently suggest that it’s not the author title you’re actually afraid of. Let’s get real: when you become an author, it means that you are unequivocally standing for what you most believe in—what you know is true from your lived experience. What you stand for may feel controversial or different. You may be addressing the “elephant in the room,” something we don’t talk about but should. My author clients write about how their experiences, including trauma, abuse, physical and mental illness, generational poverty, gender, sexual orientation, or racial bias, or other topics they want to de-stigmatize. 

The real story is the transformation they’ve embraced and they want to share. Like you, they want to illustrate through their stories that growth and evolution is possible. Once they recommit to the reason they’re sharing their stories, the imposter syndrome fades into the background. 

Erin Baer is the author of several books, and they’re all about topics that can be uncomfortable to bring out into the open: abuse, neglect, violence, and grief. Her identity now includes not only Author, but Advocate for all these causes and her soulmate readers who seek guidance through her experiences. 

What about your story makes you worry about how people will receive it? 

How has your message already positively changed lives?

Reflect on the Past

Examine how you may have been discouraged from your writing or creativity. There’s likely a story about how you were told you can’t do or be something that you dreamed of. I’ve heard many stories about what I call “creative trauma,” which means taking on a story from someone else as part of your identity. Often, that criticism comes from a teacher or an authority figure who dismisses your dreams. For me, it was a family member who disdainfully said, “What the hell do you have to write about?” when I shared my desire to be a writer. That moment stalled my belief in myself for decades until I regained the courage to share my stories in The Gratitude Connection. I actually do have plenty to write about, and so do you. Your soulmate readers are waiting.
Reflecting on the events like this throughout your life can inform how you’ve taken on a story that is not your own.

Practice Makes it Easier

First, simply start using the term in your email signature and on your website. The next step is to hear that new title or identity come out of your own mouth when you introduce yourself at networking meetings or to new colleagues and clients. Know that your comfort level will increase with repetition, along with your joy in the creative act of writing.
I always recommend to people to start using “author” in their bios on social media as soon as they begin to write their books because it takes a while to start to “wear” or embody the new moniker. It can feel like “fake it ‘till you make it,” and that’s OK. A new habit is always a little awkward before it becomes your new normal. 

Reactions

How do you think people will react when they find out you’re an author? I know I didn’t expect to be treated like a celebrity, but that happens sometimes. That reaction can feel both thrilling and overwhelming. I’ve had people look at me like a rock star and ask, “How did you do that? I’ve never met an author before! Will you sign my book?”  It’s life-changing to have that kind of experience because you get to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. They may be very impressed that you’re an author. You should be too because you have done the hard work; you’ve had to go deep within and pull out everything you have to write that book, to share your stories for the benefit of your soulmate readers. Sometimes it takes someone else reflecting it back to you how awesome your accomplishment is. I remember feeling self-conscious at first when I would be introduced as an author, but now I am comfortable and proud of it. I hope you can enjoy your new title too.

Erin Baer and all the authors I’ve supported have had to work through this identity shift to become who they are: transformational authors. 

So how are you showing up in the world and how will it shift when you fully embrace your message, your story? 

How would you like to evolve into being the transformational visionary you are?

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When you’re ready to become who you really are and potentially share your unique identity with the world, let’s talk. I’d love to support you on your journey to authenticity.