Positivity is one of my core values. Why? Because positivity showed up unexpectedly when I started practicing gratitude, and feeling more positive changed my life. Before I wrote my book The Gratitude Connection, I went through a dark time; life was a blur of stress and anxiety. Maybe you can relate to this feeling when the world feels chaotic and full of uncertainty. It was painful—focusing on the negative made me feel helpless and immobilized, even checked out and numb sometimes, which felt worse. Instead of seeking company, I retreated into isolation. 

That’s when I remembered a story about focusing on your blessings a couple of times a day. All I wanted was to feel a little bit better. What actually happened was something I couldn’t even imagine. 

Within a few days, my gratitude practice had a profound effect on how I saw things; my hopeless outlook started edging toward positivity. I saw possibilities where I couldn’t before. I started to sleep well again instead of worrying all night. Rather than staying isolated, I began reaching out to the awesome people in my life. And, with great relief, after dark days, I realized my connection to Spirit was still there. My state of being had changed; I felt positive for the first time in many months. 

So gratitude and positivity were my new favorite obsessions. They connected me back to myself, to Spirit, and to my treasured relationships. I couldn’t shut up about it, telling everyone how it could change their lives too. 

That is, until I bumped into a barrier—a clear message not to talk about positivity too much because it could be confused with “toxic positivity.” Then I started to see that phrase all over the Internet. 

Let’s get real: toxic positivity is not positivity at all.  

Gratitude and positivity are born of seeing the world through the eyes of love. 

When we mix in fear, a “positive” perspective can turn negative and controlling.

The way I see it, toxic positivity is a judgment from someone (or yourself) about how you SHOULD feel or react. When someone says, “You should be grateful for (fill in the blank),” or “Try to stay positive,” they may be negating that you’re feeling grief or sadness or depression. This kind of control is cloaked in concern, so it sounds like something positive. 

When people respond this way, they think they’re being kind. They may be so uncomfortable with the pain you’re expressing that it triggers their fear. Subconsciously, they may want you to act positive so they will feel better. 

Even if their words are said with good intention, you may feel diminished. You can feel unseen or disregarded because you’re being told how to be, how to feel, how to act. So while it may sound like a caring thought, that is toxic positivity.

Why Does This Matter?

As authors of transformational books, it matters because our purpose is to make a positive impact. This mission is the exact opposite of fear; it’s a loving desire to help our readers embrace their greatness, the very embodiment of self-expression. 

Bringing the light of positivity doesn’t mean that you’ll never experience sadness or grief or have a traumatic experience. Those things happen. But living in a state of positivity means that a loving perspective is always available to you. When you are a positive person, you want to see the possibilities and appreciate the good things in life. And you get to experience the entire range of emotions, since all of them are welcome. 

An example would be giving your support and encouragement when a friend is struggling. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with her pain, take a deep breath to soothe yourself and turn your attention back to her. Rather than telling her that she’ll be fine, that she should look on the bright side, or something else that minimizes her feelings, you can listen deeply to how she’s feeling, ask what support she would like, and give her a loving hug. (See more suggestions below.)

Let’s Reclaim Positivity

Here’s the thing. I’m taking back the word positivity. If you’re drawn to the power of positivity too, please join me in using the word and enjoying the feeling, without worrying you’re going to sound “toxic.” True positivity provides support, encouragement, lightness, and joy. It’s the high-vibration energy of love. Like gratitude, positivity is a power that unites us and inspires transformation.   

When we have encouraging and supportive personal interactions that feel positive, other people come away feeling good. We may affect their entire day, how they interact with other people, and create an exponential effect of positive energy. That sounds like true positivity to me.

How To Bring More Positivity Into Your Life

Assuming you’re on board with bringing more positivity to the world, here are some ideas to embody it:

Reclaim

• Check your language to make sure you’re not “shoulding” yourself or others into feeling or acting positive.
• Have you dialed back using the word or feeling positive? Start using it more and see what happens.
• Bring a sense of wonder to discuss this concept with your friends and colleagues. How do they see the concept of positivity?

Nurture

We can nurture a positive mindset through practices such as:

• Gratitude
• Meditation
• Mindfulness
• Creativity
• Deep listening

Spread

If you’re feeling confident about positivity, I’m sure you’ll find countless ways to insert a positive (loving) perspective, including:

• Smiles
• Kindness
• Using Thoughtful Language
• Writing

Are you ready to reclaim positivity and be bold about it?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

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