After the age of 50, we finally get credit for gaining some wisdom and insight. People think we have something worth saying that is unique and interesting and worth listening to. It’s one of the perks of getting older and owning the lessons of our vast experience. 

But where does that wisdom come from? 

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It starts when we’re young. I remember when I was 19, my grandmother she was worried about me because I didn’t have a steady beau. I hugged her and thanked her for wanting what she thought was best for me. Early marriage had been her path. Everyone in the family knew my grandfather’s legendary story of meeting her for the first time and saying, “She’s going to be my wife one day.” 

But I was on the path to become the first college graduate in my family. I had already decided I probably didn’t want a lifelong partner.

I had rarely seen a marriage that was happy and supportive. So I thought, Why would I put my heart and soul into something I hadn’t seen work very well? I dated, but didn’t have particularly great experiences (probably because of my negative viewpoint about relationships). 

Then I started a new job and met Tom. We were both involved with other people, so we became friends, sharing honest opinions about everything. He couldn’t really be that kind and upbeat all the time, right? I thought to myself.

Eventually, our situations changed and we started dating. The longer I was with Tom, the more I questioned the conventional wisdom about marriage being hard work and feeling like the proverbial “ball and chain.” It certainly didn’t feel like that to me, even after infatuation had deepened into something more real. I found an entirely different kind of relationship with him that was easy and natural, where we could talk about difficult things, disagree, set boundaries, and still feel safe and appreciated. I was not only falling in love with him. I loved who I was around him. 

Maybe you’ve been there too, questioning the “truths” you’ve heard, wondering if real love or fulfillment is even possible for  you…

All this was lovely and very different from what I had seen or experienced. I was beginning to form a new insight. It dawned on me that real love is not a terrible responsibility or burden. It actually felt like a form of freedom. Not freedom to be by myself, but freedom to be fully myself. It was liberating to be who I really was rather than to edit everything that came out of my mouth to make sure it didn’t offend someone else’s fragile ego. I realized I could have fun and explore what it was to be myself with someone who was absolutely authentic. Tom was not faking kindness and positivity. He was being himself all the time. I didn’t know anyone else like that. 

That insight about love equating to freedom has stuck with me all these years, and informed many other insights about “the way things are.” 

I’m grateful for this early revelation about what relationships can be. It was a pivot point for me, making me question societal “truths” and listen to the subtle whispers of intuition. 

Give yourself credit for your own depth of wisdom. It goes back to your childhood and only keeps increasing as you grow and expand. While we don’t get wisdom or insights instantly when we turn a certain age, (some people never do!) we have been building on that wisdom and insight from the time we were kids.

My grandmother was one of the rare people I knew who experienced a beautiful, loving relationship with her husband, who died when I was only 9. She didn’t want me to miss out on that. I’m glad I was wise enough to realize that I am lucky enough to be with a kind and loving man like my grandfather.

Like me, you’ve been gathering wisdom for decades, sometimes without even realizing it. What if the story that’s shaping your next chapter is already within you, waiting to be heard?